Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
