I just saw a hot homeless man
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
