scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Randomize
