He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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