idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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