Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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