Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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