Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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