This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
