imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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