I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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