I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
