I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
