I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
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