exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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