At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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