She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
