Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
