I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We have started to decorate penises.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize