After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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