You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
