I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
