I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize