Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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