It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
