oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
