Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
There's always time for handjobs
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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