Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Someone signed my nipple.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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