You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Randomize
