I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
