Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I want her autograph on my taint
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize