we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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