He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
