The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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