well I can't set my house on fire every night
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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