Say something about gay babies.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
