I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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