I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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