He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
