Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
