Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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