he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
