i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
