there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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