I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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