there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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