i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
