he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
