I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
