So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize