Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
