ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
