I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
