Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You were trust falling into bushes
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
