I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
