im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
