i may or may not be watching the land before time
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize