Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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