I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
