the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
