i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
