i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
